I would like to start off by clarifying that I’m the first to brag about how
much I love Johannesburg and South Africa. I had the opportunity to leave
the country and decided to stay. Not just stay, but invest my hard earned
honest money in the country and always promote Jo’burg whenever I can.
am aware that there are huge pro’s and equally large con’s to such a mix, of
first world and third world environments. I made the decision to stay here
on the basis that my lifestyle must be one which is 1st world, luxurious and
easy. This is the trade off against crime and poor service delivery. My
concern is a new one. The frequency which I now come in contact with the Government departments is
becoming far more regular. This is 100% due to of the lack of service in
these departments. Let me explain. The government-run departments, like
Water and lights, the police force and courts should run in the background
of our lives. They should do what needs to be done and we should simply pay
for the services, either direct or through taxes. When these services
collapse, as I see they are, then we have to contact the departments and try
get the service up and running again. This is not how it’s meant to be. In
the past week I have spent two days in a municipal court and several
(hundred) hours in the Joburg city council. The courts are beyond a joke. After several deferrals our small case was
eventually heard on Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. What could have
taken a strong-willed eager judge perhaps 2 hours to trial has taken 3 days
and a year after the actual crime was committed. (Read here about the crime:
https://spillly.com/friday-nights-adventure-starring-starsky-hutc ) Before
the trial even started the state prosecutor told me that there is no chance
of finding the accused guilty, even though they were caught in our vehicle,
after hours, offloading stolen stocks at their home and could not prove
where the stocks came from. The Prosecutor read the Sun Newspaper throughout
my testimony and the clerk of the court had a solid 2 hours sleep with her
feet up on a chair while the defendants gave statements. Court was to start
at 8:30 sharp (so we were told) but at 9:25 the honorable Judge strolled in,
only to take a quick 25 minute break at about 10am. At 11am is the 15 minute
tea time which lasted until 11:55 only to be stopped again at 1 for lunch.
Again at 20 past 2, we continued only to stop at 3:30pm when the courts
close. After the accused basically agreed to take the stocks without
permission, the prosecutor made it clear that they would not go to jail as
the sum stolen was too low. Too low according to what ? So after 2 rather frustrating days in court, we were told that my business
premises would not have any power all of Wednesday. I took this as a
positive and decided to venture into the Joburg Council to try get my rates
n taxes invoice which I have not received in 8 months. I walked in, got a
number and proceeded to sit the waiting area with 300 other hopeful
customers. The state of the art Queuing system which is proudly punted all
over the wall asking me to adhere to the system was broken. No surprises
there. Every 20 minutes or so a security guard came out and in very broken
English called the next 5 numbers. At 12pm they were calling number 42 – 47.
I was number 195. At 3:15 after losing all feeling in my bum-cheeks I was
called. Rather excitedly I stood up and walked through the “pearly gates”
only to find another queue about 15 people deep. By this stage of the
afternoon, with the place closing at 4, most of the consultants had already
stopped assisting “customers” and were sitting around tables with cokes and
tea having a good old giggle, all while avoiding eye contact with me and the
now very frustrated people in my line. So Frustrated, that the one Lady lost
her cool and short of assaulting the council worker, grabbed him by the
shirt and tried pulling him over the counter. Several people were “I should
have You-Tube’d that for carte Blanche” – as the consultant was way out of
line. None the less, my query was not addressed and I must just wait for the
SAP migration to be completed. This started in the 1st quarter of last year.
I am in credit for R12,500 while my ex neighbour, who moved 6 years ago,
now has my account and owes R 33,000 odd. Hope he doesn’t get arrested
because we know what kind of prison he will spend a night or two in. I don’t Vote DA cause I believe in their higher cause or the promise of a
better future in this country. I vote DA because the ANC need opposition to
keep them on their toes. Keep them honest. Keep them competitive. All I want
is to live my life without the dusty hallways and unhelpful faces of the
government. I want to pay my taxes, pay my bills and live my life in the
most beautiful country I have ever been into. @spillly. Ps, the picture is of Amos Masondo, the Executive Mayor of the City of
Johannesburg, taken on the wall of the Joburg metro offices. He is known as
a former Robben Islander, Soweto civic activist and COSATU trade-unionist.
Now He is also knows as a “DOOS” as the sticker across his face politely points
out. At the very least, the unmotivated staff could take that off…
Strangely enough I received more “random” calls from people I never expected
to hear from than “friends” I did.
This is a rant. Get over it. I am.
that everyone on FB I know IRL.
Twitter was awash with great amusing Birthday wishes and even a few Shelebs
shouted out. IM OLD. Im bald. Im STILL a ginger. BUT I fucking rock it! And I have you to
thank! 364 days to go.. make a PHAT note in that ipad of yours.
@spillly
Jou ma se kinders
Last Updated: 2011/02/26 Being from Cape Town, I must say I miss Cape coloured women.  When I was young I used to love playing with their silky hair and wished I could get rid of my kinky coarse variety. “What’s wrong with you?” asks my friend while applying skin lightener? “Black is beautiful. Why would you wanna be any other race?” I ignore her and her weave and go back to my dreams of being yellow and speaking like I’m singing. Coloured girls are the future for various reasons: They will never leave dark foundation on your shirt after a hug. You will never run out of cigarettes. You will always be assured of a large family as many of these girls breed as if Allan Boesak sent them on a mission to increase the coloured race. They don’t have to fork out thousands on their hair as they mostly have long silky hair that doesn’t need relaxers or weaves. They always know where to get hair curlers and wear them with pride, even in shopping malls. You don’t have to listen to those clicks most African languages have. They are the closest thing to being a white woman and we know you black men love them as they look like they’ve popped out of an Usher music video. Their bruises are more obvious than ours, so if you hit her it will be easier to see. They don’t have to send their sons to initiation school, where they stand a chance of getting a horrendous infection and even dying. My friend disagrees with me about coloured women. She insists that black guys don’t date crazy people. “What?” she says. “Coloureds are nuts because: They drink Black Label beer and smoke like chimneys. They shout and throw plates. They have no front teeth and eat fish like they are trying to deplete the ocean. They love to fight in public and most are very violent. They’re always referring to your mother’s this or your mother’s that. They know exactly what tik is. They love designer clothes. They love making love and leave even the randiest negro exhausted. They walk around in their gowns and pyjamas during the day. What is wrong with my friend? I wonder. So what if folk walk around in their gowns and pyjamas during the day, especially since they will eventually go back to bed? Why waste washing powder? Shouting is also sometimes necessary, especially when you speak to folk like Jimmy Manyi, who might not have a clue what he is talking about. Designer labels are mostly made in the Cape so why should they not love them? Referring to one’s mother should also not be an issue unless a monkey gave birth to you. Besides, reminding you of your mother shouldn’t be a bad idea. Call her now. What the hell is wrong with loving sex? Should they hate it? Just because my friend is a lousy lay doesn’t mean the entire coloured nation should not like protected sex. Knowing what tik is doesn’t necessarily mean one is using it, I told my daft friend. Saying they are violent is also a generalisation. I know plenty of coloured fraudsters and coloured Hari Krishas. Of course I miss Cape coloured people. Which other race do you know that is more obsessed with naai masjiene, Oh, and I don’t mean sewing machines. Besides, only in the Cape would you hear somebody screaming out: “Jou ma owe jou hond sex geld!”
I am so Fat, I have Rolls where you don’t even have places.
Get on a diet FATTY.
@spillly
Its Friday.
Fuck you. It’s the weekend already.
I finish work in an hour and all I want is a beer and a smoke.
And I am gonna get one too. Cause I have mates.
Productivity. Should be a swear word.
Don’t even mention Monday.
Peace. Love. Couch.
@spillly
Don’t follow me.
Gag.
Always gag.
I usually start my blogs with “So…”
So… on Sunday I ventured out to see U2 at Soccer city (FNB stadium) whichwas the 5th time I have been fortunate enough to witness such an event. Now
I used to be the world’s biggest U2 fan. Flown to London twice, Australia
and even once drove to central Joburg (yeesh!) to see them. Of late their
last few albums have been rather disappointing, if not down-right shit. But
after every live show I walk away thinking that I have just witnessed
something spectacular. U2 are showmen first and foremost. They used to be
musicians first, but those days ended, in my opinion, after the Achtung
Baby! album of 1991. So for 20 years they have been re-hashing old classics
in new ways. Sunday (bloody Sunday) was no different. The show was truly mind blowing.
The sheer size of the stage and the planning and logistics of the whole
event boggle my mind. The bespoke stage that’s schlepped all over the world
is something out of a sci-fi movie. Let’s get this straight, I’m no longer the biggest U2 fan, but I’m still
smiling at the extravaganza that was their show.
From the nose bleed seats I could not see the ego that is Bono, but who
needs to ? I was there for the crowd, the cold shivers I had with Tutu’s
prepped speech and the energy that only 110,000 (reportedly) South African
Souls can bring to an arena like soccer city. Now that’s the 3rd time I’ve
had tears of joy in that stadium – it’s a magical place.
By no means are the 2 concerts even in the same category, but I think that
Rammstein had more stage presence, truer support and without the special
effects of each show, Rammstein would have been my 1st choice in live act.
They fucking rocked hard. I would go and see either set again in a heartbeat. U2 are the rolling
stones of my generation, except I’m getting tons of satisfaction. Walk on…. Spillly
