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Dear ABSA credit card division.

By 10th March 2010 No Comments

I am an ABSA client and have been for close on 16 years now in my personal
capacity. My friends all laughed at me when I mentioned that I have a
Thousand Bucks credit facility on my ABSA credit card. This has never been
an issue because I always keep some cash in the card – why pay interest
right ?!


I figured that I own a business, my house and car are paid for, I have no
debt and some cash in my Card – how hard would this be to increase my limit?


So just for the fuck of it I called the toll free number 0861 462 273 and
was put through the usual computer call centre and pushed 1, pushed 1,
pushed 4, pushed * and finally pushed 1 again.


This is not the actual transcripts of the conversation I had earlier with a
very sweet, poorly spoken lady, at the ABSA credit card division in
Pretoria, but it went something like this:


Sir, Please gimme all your personal details, ID, Card Number, Postal’s, blah
blah (which I did in a flash – cause I’m efficient like that!)


May I ask you some questions? Sure. (and so the barrage began…)


How much do you earn gross? How much do u earn Nett? Do u have a bond?


How much do u owe on your car?


Do you have a maid?


Do you have pets?


Do you have a gardener ?


Do you have DSTV?


Do you have internet / Telkom ?


Do you have insurance?


Do you have any policy payments?


How much do you spend on groceries a month ?


How much is your cell phone bill a month?


How much do you spend on petrol?


Do you have a clothing account?


Do you have a food account?


Do you pay for schooling?


And so it continued. By the time she was out of breath and the smoke had
cleared from my brain, she punched in a few numbers in that main frame super
brain computer and the answer was puked out much to my amazement.


But wait, she asked how much would I like to increase the limit to. I took a
nice round number and said R10k please.


She sniggered a tad and said “sorry sir – you don’t qualify for R10,000!”


I then sheepishly asked so how much do I qualify for ma’am?


Take a flyer…


Take a fucking guess what I’m worth?




Five fucking thousand Rands – cause I don’t have debt and a fucking Edgars


Dear ABSA credit card division – you know where I wanna swipe my card next


Yours sincerely.


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