Dear ABSA credit card division.
I am an ABSA client and have been for close on 16 years now in my personal
capacity. My friends all laughed at me when I mentioned that I have a
Thousand Bucks credit facility on my ABSA credit card. This has never been
an issue because I always keep some cash in the card – why pay interest
I figured that I own a business, my house and car are paid for, I have no
debt and some cash in my Card – how hard would this be to increase my limit?
So just for the fuck of it I called the toll free number 0861 462 273 and
was put through the usual computer call centre and pushed 1, pushed 1,
pushed 4, pushed * and finally pushed 1 again.
This is not the actual transcripts of the conversation I had earlier with a
very sweet, poorly spoken lady, at the ABSA credit card division in
Pretoria, but it went something like this:
Sir, Please gimme all your personal details, ID, Card Number, Postal’s, blah
blah (which I did in a flash – cause I’m efficient like that!)
May I ask you some questions? Sure. (and so the barrage began…)
How much do you earn gross? How much do u earn Nett? Do u have a bond?
How much do u owe on your car?
Do you have a maid?
Do you have pets?
Do you have a gardener ?
Do you have DSTV?
Do you have internet / Telkom ?
Do you have insurance?
Do you have any policy payments?
How much do you spend on groceries a month ?
How much is your cell phone bill a month?
How much do you spend on petrol?
Do you have a clothing account?
Do you have a food account?
Do you pay for schooling?
And so it continued. By the time she was out of breath and the smoke had
cleared from my brain, she punched in a few numbers in that main frame super
brain computer and the answer was puked out much to my amazement.
But wait, she asked how much would I like to increase the limit to. I took a
nice round number and said R10k please.
She sniggered a tad and said “sorry sir – you don’t qualify for R10,000!”
I then sheepishly asked so how much do I qualify for ma’am?
Take a flyer…
Take a fucking guess what I’m worth?
Five fucking thousand Rands – cause I don’t have debt and a fucking Edgars
Dear ABSA credit card division – you know where I wanna swipe my card next